Unloving

Unloving...

is there such a term?

A question was posed to me

just the other day

about unloving

someone

something

somehow

this gentle soul

needed to know

for their own

peace of mind

if it was at all

possible

to unattach

ungive

undream

unlove

is there really

such a thing?

how do you

forget the eyes

that made you

lose your breath?

how do you

not cry yourself

dry

falling asleep from

pure exhaustion?

how do you

erase

the pictures of

bliss

written in

indelible ink?

How do you

unglue

the puzzle piece

that fits?

How do you

move past

the choices

that were made

leaving you

incomplete?

I wish I knew

the answer to

this question

wondering how to

forgive

love's greatest

folly

I do not have

the answer

but I will keep

searching

looking to help

heal

the inevitability

of the future

as it knocks

on our door

For now

Gentle soul

be strong

lean into

loss

forgive yourself

mistakes

 love

yourself

one day

you will

love

again

with abandon

with joy

freely

without pretense

secrets

lies

with passion

hope

bliss

one day you will...

I promise

.............................................................

.....................................................

written for those learning

to love again

to forget the past

and move forward

...

wherever that may be

A Prayer for Help

As this year comes to a close and a new year is about to shine it's first rays of promise, I have been gently reminded that many of us...even the ones that have a direct phone a friend line to God... seek grace and direction. We are all so busy in our daily layers of life that often times we forget to ask for help. I know that many of us don't, or better yet, can't ask for help because it follows suit with failure or a sense of not being able to accomplish everything that us "SuperWomen" say we can. Yet, through the act of simply asking for help, we reap the greatest of rewards.
I often laugh because I truthfully think that God has the sweetest sense of humor. It is in our times of rushing or crossing those all important items off of our lists that we find out just what a trickster he can be. I'll give an example...many times, I am looking for a gemstone or a metal piece that I need to complete an order...usually in a rush because, well, there are things to do people! In my frustration and haste, when I have looked in the same place like a million times knowing that is where the all important piece to my puzzle resides, I shift my gaze upwards with a haughty glance and say"Ok, I know that you know where it is, please help me find it". Then I walk away to take a look in a place that I know where it won't be only to come back and see my little puzzle piece laying right on top of my strewn out supplies. Coincidence? I think not!
I believe that this metaphor applies in all levels of our lives. It seems simple, too simple really, to have the "ask and ye shall receive" principle at play in our daily lives. But, in truth, if what we seek is for our best and highest good, God will provide no questions asked.

Here is a gentle prayer to ask for help, just when you need it:

Please, help me find what I seek
in the corners and the dark places
light my path
help me to open my heart
and receive your
divine intervention
open my eyes
when I have closed them shut
let me hear
when I have silenced
all possibility
help me to know
when I feel that
truth has escaped me
I ask for your
help to bring this
into my life
for my better and higher good
let your will be done

Ask fervently and with purpose. 

God is listening.

Anger

Anger.  There you have it.  The word the rocks my world in the wee hours where angelic faces sleep and the depraved gather their forces.  On the cusp of the full moon, I was angry.  Filled with fury and self pity.  I was angry at having to work through he night without any real rest during the day.  I was angry that I was in a position that warranted my night work on bended knees, sore from the concrete below them.  I was angry at husband for not having more machismo to say "to hell with you, not my wife!".  I was angry with the fact that I am an educated woman with above average intelligence and whole lot of chutzpa that was dead tired, her gut wrenching from too much coffee just so she could stay awake.  The anger in my heart was boiling...overflowing like an unwatched pot, popping and fizzing in yellow blue flames.  The hiss of steam screaming at midnight.

I was angry at myself.

Yet, I turned back my tears.  No one would see me cry.  Not for this.  Not for them.  No satisfaction was to be gained for the other side of the fence.  They could not pity me.  They would not see  my heart breaking in front of their smirking faces.  I would not allow such intimate facts to be shared with strangers.  There was no point in bringing them into my world, for they would never  be more than a passing fancy.  Entertained with with casual banter and a rough sketch of the person I had become..

I have often wondered how we shape our lives and to what resolve?  There are dreams and aspirations, fleeting bits of wonderment turned from possibility to a wisp of smoke that lingers on the tip of a gun.  You shoot from the hip and aim for the target only to see that there is no hole on the bulls eye.

Shall we call this a misfire?

Inspiration

Only do what you‘re inspired to do. That‘s the whole point…of life.
Danielle LaPorte

From the Firestarter Sessions

Defeated

Today, I feel defeated.  I don't really know why.  Maybe it's the cold that I don't really need now (ok, do we ever really need one)?  I don't know.  It's hard to say.

Earlier today I sat in my dining room staring at unfinished things, just piled there on the table.  And I felt defeated.  I felt not good enough.  I felt silly that I thought that all of this could work.  I felt naive that simple determination and perserverence would make it all happen, in time.  Today, my glass is half empty.

I feel as if I keep pouring all my energy into forging a "dream" life...yet I am exhausted.  My body, mind and spirit are crying "STOP".  Hence the cold.  I look at my designs and ask, why are they not flying off the shelves...am I really that disillusioned?  Could be.  So I have given it my best shot.  I have even started a bath and body line due out very soon.  Yet, I am here thinking that I have just wasted the past three years and boatloads of money to be here, right now...still not where I want to be.

Have I made a mistake?  Miscalculated my direction?  Been swayed to think that what I was doing was better than it really was?  Are people just too kind to not tell me the truth?

Maybe I'm just tired.

I think that I should take a nap.

Trust

Paulo Coelho:


“Trust and start walking. We are not alone in the dark; our path will unfold as we move.”
 
Thank you and Amen!

Divine Intervention

It's funny how things work sometimes.  You want to go in one direction, and you are pulled in another.  Or, the best laid plans simply just don't go your way.  Maybe you try to make something work, stick it out and give it your best shot, only to see it crumble to the ground.

Today is one of those days for me. I have been told that I am not good enough (in so many words).  That I simply am not meeting expectations and seem unhappy.  Well, the answer is yes, I am unhappy with where I am right now.  I am unhappy that I am pouring sweat and tears into a company that sees no value in what I am putting forth.  There was a point that I would have been the ultimate "company gal" but, really, that would have required me to become someone that I am not.  A person that put stock in the status quo and did exactly as I was told, even if it didn't sit well with me.  In the past, I would have been her...but today, I simply cannot be that gal.  Even if I tried.  Don't get me wrong, for I have learned so many things at this place.  For that I am greatful because they have shown me what not to do in many circumstances.  And those lessons are invaluable.  I have also learned that I am worth more than I have been given credit for and that my talents have lied dormant for way too long.  It is time to spread my wings.

I have found the satisfaction of working for myself.  For making the decisions, good or bad, the way that I would see fit.  I am unafraid of hard work...I have worked that way for all of my life.  It's just that now, I don't want to kill my self every day and be treated like I am unworthy of more.  That attitude no longer fits into my psyche, and I will no longer accept second best because that is the safe way to go. 

So, I am making my plans to be everything that I know I can be.  I will work hard, and ask for a little divine intervention to help me along the way.  Please, dear Angels, help me to be strong, to be all that I can be and to know when it is the best time to make it on my own.