It's funny how things work sometimes. You want to go in one direction, and you are pulled in another. Or, the best laid plans simply just don't go your way. Maybe you try to make something work, stick it out and give it your best shot, only to see it crumble to the ground.
Today is one of those days for me. I have been told that I am not good enough (in so many words). That I simply am not meeting expectations and seem unhappy. Well, the answer is yes, I am unhappy with where I am right now. I am unhappy that I am pouring sweat and tears into a company that sees no value in what I am putting forth. There was a point that I would have been the ultimate "company gal" but, really, that would have required me to become someone that I am not. A person that put stock in the status quo and did exactly as I was told, even if it didn't sit well with me. In the past, I would have been her...but today, I simply cannot be that gal. Even if I tried. Don't get me wrong, for I have learned so many things at this place. For that I am greatful because they have shown me what not to do in many circumstances. And those lessons are invaluable. I have also learned that I am worth more than I have been given credit for and that my talents have lied dormant for way too long. It is time to spread my wings.
I have found the satisfaction of working for myself. For making the decisions, good or bad, the way that I would see fit. I am unafraid of hard work...I have worked that way for all of my life. It's just that now, I don't want to kill my self every day and be treated like I am unworthy of more. That attitude no longer fits into my psyche, and I will no longer accept second best because that is the safe way to go.
So, I am making my plans to be everything that I know I can be. I will work hard, and ask for a little divine intervention to help me along the way. Please, dear Angels, help me to be strong, to be all that I can be and to know when it is the best time to make it on my own.