Monday, April 5, 2010


Today, I feel defeated.  I don't really know why.  Maybe it's the cold that I don't really need now (ok, do we ever really need one)?  I don't know.  It's hard to say.

Earlier today I sat in my dining room staring at unfinished things, just piled there on the table.  And I felt defeated.  I felt not good enough.  I felt silly that I thought that all of this could work.  I felt naive that simple determination and perserverence would make it all happen, in time.  Today, my glass is half empty.

I feel as if I keep pouring all my energy into forging a "dream" life...yet I am exhausted.  My body, mind and spirit are crying "STOP".  Hence the cold.  I look at my designs and ask, why are they not flying off the I really that disillusioned?  Could be.  So I have given it my best shot.  I have even started a bath and body line due out very soon.  Yet, I am here thinking that I have just wasted the past three years and boatloads of money to be here, right now...still not where I want to be.

Have I made a mistake?  Miscalculated my direction?  Been swayed to think that what I was doing was better than it really was?  Are people just too kind to not tell me the truth?

Maybe I'm just tired.

I think that I should take a nap.